Wake Up and Smell the Coffee - 6 Types of Starbucks Drinkers According to Moi!

 Let me preface this blog post by saying there are always exceptions to EVERY rule. But in general, this is what it is. The way I see it, there are five different types of Starbucks drinkers. The following are the six categories.

1. The One Night Stand Drinker - this is person that picks up a Starbucks about once every six months to a year. If you ask them if they like Starbucks, they'll say "ya, it's alright, but I'll take a McDonald's McCrappe too". This person clearly thinks the two are comparable in some way and should have their taste buds tested for defectiveness.

2. The Limited Access Drinker - this is a person who doesn't live or commute to work near/within 20 miles of a Starbucks. If you ask them if they like Starbucks, they'll say "yes! wish I could go more often but I never get around to it". This is OK - sometimes geography sucks.

3. The Catch Up Drinker - this a person who uses Starbucks as a social watering hole or a place to "catch up". This can usually be associated with A) a casual/trying to find out if the other person is a creeper before committing to a real date, date or B) Gal pals out for a day of shopping that find the mall Starbucks a great place to rehydrate and recuperate from spending all that money! or finally C) someone who has an iPhone that has discovered the "pay with your phone" app that Starbucks developed for a quick, speedy, and what the hell FUN way to check out! If you ask them if they like Starbucks, they'll say "sure, let's meet there later and catch up!" This is very good. Why? Because they like to catch up at classy establishments!

4. The Nile Drinker - this is a person that is in deNILE about their growing addiction to Starbucks. If you ask them if they like Starbucks, they'll pretend like it doesn't mean much to them, but 15 minutes later, you can catch them at your local Bucks downing a double shot espresso, all the while shouting "I swear, I like McDonald's coffee just as much!!!!!" This person needs to admit that they are coming to the dark (roast) side. HA!

5. The Not-So-Secret Obsession Drinker - this is a person that knows what they want in life, and darn it, they want a STARBUCKS. No other coffee will do for this determined soul! If you ask them if they like Starbucks… then you don't know them very well! Because this person probably had one before they started talking to you about the Bucks and will probably have one after. If they aren't drinking it, they are fantasizing about drinking it. Don't offer this person McDonald's coffee… ever.

6. The Golden Drinker - this is a person that is everything #5 is but can also smell a Starbucks a mile away (and would walk that mile, or two in severe cases, to get it), has an app on their phone for finding Starbucks, plans road trip stops around various Starbucks locations, and in profound situations has a Starbucks personalized Gold Card.

This ladies and gentlemen is the honest truth. So help me Starbucks.

Can you guess which one I am? Should be easy since I just spent an hour blogging about it!